Find out how to cope with heated arguments with your teenager, and what to do if they become violent.

This page covers:

How to defuse arguments with your teen

It's useful to remember that your own behaviour can improve or worsen an aggressive situation, so it's important to be a good role model for your teen.

If you act aggressively but tell your teenager not to, they will not listen. It's also helpful to remember that their anger is often based on fear that they're losing control.

Try these tips:

Breathing exercises can help take the intensity out of an argument. Take a deep breath, hold for a few seconds and then exhale. Repeat 5 times.

When your teen is calm, suggest this technique to them so they, too, have a way of controlling their anger.

Remember that teens may not know how to handle their anger, and this can leave them frustrated and frightened.

However, as with toddlers, if you give in to teenagers because their shouting and screaming intimidates or baffles you, you are in effect encouraging them to repeat the unreasonable behaviour as a way of getting what they want.

How to deal with violent behaviour

Sometimes, teen aggression can turn into violence. If they lash out at you, or someone or something else, put safety first.

Let your teenager know that violence is unacceptable and you will walk away from them until they've calmed down. If leaving the room or house is not helping, call the police. After all, if you feel threatened or scared, then you have the right to protect yourself.

Family Lives offers this advice for coping with, and helping, a violent teen:

Concerned about mental health issues?

If you're worried that your teen has a mental health problem such as depression, talk to a GP. They can refer them to the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services, who in turn can refer you and your family for Family Therapy.

You can also contact the Young Minds Parents Helpline on 0808 802 5544 (9.30am to 4pm Monday to Friday) for advice and support concerning mental health issues in young people.

If you are having trouble coping with your teenager, and you suspect you may have symptoms of depression or other mental health problems, discuss this with a GP. They can then suggest suitable treatment.

You may, for example, be referred for counselling, or directed to support groups or other services in your area.

Read more about the benefits of talking treatments.

Help and support

There are many organisations that offer emotional support and practical advice to you and your teen. At such an important development stage, it's important that teens learn how to communicate well and express anger in a healthy way.